From the Inside Out
by Zavijah
Summary: Slight AU. Eventual SxS Squall didn't know that a headache would become an out of body experience, literally. Squall finds himself stuck in someone else's body. It's an experience that in which he begins to learn about this someone from the inside.
1. Infirmary

From the Inside Out

Part I: Infirmary

**Squall:******

                "Squall."

                Pain. My forehead is splitting in two. At least it feels that way at the moment. I know that I am sitting in Quistis' class but I can't seem to see the desk in front of me. It's like a blinding curtain of white has been draped over my vision and the longer I try to stare past the opaque fabric, the more intense the pain becomes.

                "Squall?"

                I groan. Every time I hear someone calling my name it forces me think, which also causes another stab of misery inside my head. If this person would just leave me alone, then the pain would eventually fade; just like all the other times before. I just need to be alone.

                "Squall!"

                "What!?" I erupt while standing from my seat in a sudden burst of anger. The leather of my glove presses against my forehead in a vain attempt to soothe the ache and relieve my frustration.

                "Squall, are you alright?" It's Quistis' voice. I can hear the sound of her boots clicking noisily off the tile floor as she makes her way towards me.

                Do I look all right? Does the prominent scowl on my face not communicate my state of discomfort?

                "Squall, is something wrong?" Quistis asks with a noticeable tone of concern and reaches out to warily touch my arm.

                Someone snorts amusedly off to my right, "Of course something is wrong, how dense are you?"

                "Seifer, I really don't have the patience for your antics today," Quistis calmly states to the seated blond.

                "I'll be sure to double my 'antics' tomorrow to make up for today," Seifer retorts with the casual ease that only he could accomplish.

                The white curtain of pain begins to part and little pieces of reality start to come into focus. I can make out Quistis, who is standing at my side, holding my arm and scowling darkly at Seifer.

                "Squall," She turns her bright blue eyes to me. They were too bright at the moment, much like the previous intangible white curtain that was obscuring my vision moments before. "I want you to go to the infirmary and tell Doctor Kadowaki what is wrong."

                I can feel her tugging on my arm, trying to escort me towards the door. I pull away, determined to walk on my own. It's not like I am helpless. I just had a little headache, that's all. That hardly deserved a trip to the infirmary—but Quistis is the instructor, and I am not about to disobey a teacher's orders.

                Unfortunately, I only make it a few steps before I have to pause and lean my shoulder against the wall. My forehead is throbbing again, threatening to white wash my world like before. The fore warning signs are enough to sink me to my knees, but I resists. I'll be damned before I let myself look like a fool in the middle of class.

                "Squall do you—"

                "I'll take him," Seifer rises from his seat and approaches me. I swipe my arm out to prevent him from coming any close. The last person I need help from was my archrival. Suddenly I feel his finger intertwining with mine as he takes my outstretched hand with his own. "Don't worry, I'll hold your hand all the way there."

                Even better, I could be seen walking hand-in-hand with Seifer Almasy.

                I jerk my hand out of his grasp once I hear the muffled laughs of the rest of the class. Yeah, funny, ha ha. This is not what I need first thing in the morning. My head is already splitting in two and having to deal with Seifer's teasing is not going to help my recovery.

                I push back the sensation of pain along with the wall I had been using as support, I then stride unaided towards the doorway.

                "Seifer, stop being such a jerk," Quistis mutters.

                "Why Instructor, I didn't know you are allowed to belittle your students," Seifer begins to stalk after me, but turns to throw one last sarcastic remake through the doorway. "Don't worry yourself, I'll make sure he gets there in one piece."

                He catches up to me in the hallway leading to the elevator. It's finally quiet now, with nothing but our footsteps to mar the tranquility. Seifer knew I didn't want his help, in fact he had never truly offered to help me. He had just used me as an excuse to get out of class. I didn't mind, or care. I was his excuse for everything.

                We made it to the elevator in silence. I lean against the wall and tilt my head back against the cold metal. The cool touch to my skin relieves some of the pain at once. It's just a headache, and nothing to fret about. Though, this did seem to be about fifty times more intense than the term 'headache' defined. I've had it for a couple of days now. It wasn't bad at first. I could ignore it yesterday, but today it is unbearable.

                Seifer presses the first floor button and leans against the wall next to me. "Squall. Squall. Squall." He shakes his head side to side while tsking my name. "Is that girlfriend of yours not taking good care of you?"

                My what? I eye Seifer suspiciously while a familiar grin creeps over his face.

                "Rinoa, Squall. Are you too out of it to remember her?" He tilts his head with a look in his emerald eyes that I mistake for concern.

                I remember Rinoa just fine. She is living in garden with us and she is also working as Doctor Kadowaki's assistant. She is really enthusiastic about all of it, which is a good thing, I guess. Almost every night she would come into my room and take my vitals or treat imaginary wounds.  I'm happy for her, really. But there is just so many times that Rinoa can take my blood pressure before it begins to feel like my arm is going to fall.

                "Yeah, of course you remember her," Seifer answers himself as the elevator comes to a smooth stop and the doors slide open. "Actually, I'm surprised that your little nurse didn't notice something wrong three days ago."

                I walk out of the elevator and pause on the steps to look over my shoulder at the tall blond following at my heels. He meets my gaze and immediately rolls his eyes at my blank expression.

                "Yes Squall, I noticed something was wrong," He brushes past me to lead the way to the infirmary. When I don't follow he turns to meet my gaze a second time. "It's kind of obvious when you walk around with your hand pressed against your head."

                Seifer smiles while planting the palm of his ungloved hand against the scar between his eyes. He scowls then walks away, mocking the way he sees me. I scowl in return and follow after him. Sometimes I hate how Seifer just knows what I want to ask him, but never do. The answers I get are very distressing at times.

                ..I didn't really walk around like that, did I?

                Come to think of it, that's strange. I hardly see Seifer during the day, where as I spend a lot of time with Rinoa. Yet, it is Seifer that had known I'm not feeling well, not Rinoa. I guess it brought meaning to the phrase: know your enemy.

                Though, I didn't really know anything about Seifer. I never did consider him an enemy. A rival, yes, but that doesn't mean I hate him or am at odds with him. There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. He is someone who I could compare myself to, and if he wasn't such an ass all the time we might even be friends by now. But we aren't. We're just silent comrades that were always pitied against each other in everyone else's eyes.

                At least that is what I thought. I have no idea what Seifer thinks. But sometimes, when we are alone, we do get along. It is only be a rare chance that we are together alone, like how we are now. Usually there is always someone watching and making us fall into the rolls of villain and hero.

                "Squall."

                My head snaps upright to see Seifer standing a few feet ahead. He gestures towards the walkway with a slight raise of his arm. I frown and rub my palm over my eyes. I hate to be jerked out my thoughts—or "Squall's world" as some of the others had labeled it—but I comply to his motion by following the purple strip that leads to the infirmary. Seifer doesn't come with me. As I said before, I am just an excuse for him to get out of class.

                I walk into the small room and immediately notice that Kadowaki's portly figure is not present. I check the side room to make sure she is not around, instead I find my dear Rinoa napping soundly on the sick bed. A faint smile tugs at the corner of my lips at the sight of her appearing so angelic in her sleep.

                Quietly I enter the room and sit down on the stool next to the bed while ignoring the surfacing ache behind my scar. I lightly brush away the raven strands of hair that obscure my girlfriend's beautiful face. Her eyelids flutter and open fully so she can look up into my cobalt eyes with her honey-brown ones.

                "Squall, what are—" She pauses to yawn and stretch on the narrow bed. She then sits up against the headboard and smiles lazily at me. "What are you doing here? I thought you have class right now."

                I nod with her last statement then look around the small room, "I need to see Doctor Kadowaki."

                "She had to go out on an emergency call. Maybe I can help you out. What do you need, Squall?" Rinoa turns towards me and drops her legs off the edge of the bed.

                I take a moment to look seriously at the woman seated before me. As her boyfriend, I should have faith in her skills, but after being her guinea pig for so long I begin to question my safety. Rinoa can be a bit clumsy at times. Like that one time she was trying to treat my ankle for a pretend break. I ended up getting a sprained ankle---but hey, I just have a headache this time, I'm sure she could just give me a few aspirin and I'll be fine.

                "I have a headache," I blandly explain. Suddenly I feel like a moron for coming all the way here just for a measly head pain.

                "Well you just lay down right here," Rinoa scoots off to the edge and pats the middle of the bed.

                Mentally frowning, I rise from my seat then lay myself out on the bed. My head brushes against Rinoa's thigh. She smiles down at me and runs her slender fingers though my long brown bangs. I fold my hands over my chest and let out a slow breath, to keep myself calm. I am not in the mood to pretend to be intimate; I just want some damn aspirin.

                Yes, 'pretend'. Rinoa _is_ beautiful, sweet and I do love her. She makes me happy, and causes me to smile from time to time. I just am not interested in the other part of the relationship, such as the physical contact. I know I am suppose to be like any other guy, dying to date and be near someone like her, but I'm not..

                I guess I'm not quite normal. Maybe I suppress my emotions so much that some of them simply disappear. Maybe I am just a freak of sorts. I am some kind of—

                "Squall, I just want you to relax," Rinoa's voice calls me away from the self-destructive thoughts. She uses both hands to press her index and middle fingers to my temples. Slowly she massages the sensitive spot in a circular motion.

                I force myself to relax. As I release the hold on my mind the throbbing sensation starts. I let the pain pound behind my forehead and merely let my brows draw together in the only gesture that would show my internal discomfort. Rinoa whispers again for me to relax.

                "Could you get me some aspirin?" I mumble the words. I don't believe in home, or natural herbal remedies. Give me medicine anytime. Just one more medicated peaceful moment is all that I need.

                "No. I'm going to try something else, but I need you to relax your mind," Rinoa quietly answers. "I'm going to use an old sorceress' trick."

                I suppress a groan in order to not hurt my girlfriend's feelings. Instead I close my eyes with a mental pout. As if I could really relax. Just because Rinoa was a free spirit didn't meant I could be the same. Relax. Right. Whatever.

                I exhale deeply and 'relax' in the only way I know. I imagine a white room. Its completely blank, no doors, no windows; just straight blank walls. Some people think black is the color that represents 'nothing', but I disagree. I think white is truly nothing at all. Black makes me think of the darkness, of night, of evil.

                But this is what I imagine, a white room. After a few moments I begin to feel a strange wind-like presence in my mind, like someone had opened a window in my otherwise windowless room. Now my blank walls are switching hues. The morph into twisting shades of blue; they brush against one another like small ripples of a calm lake. The image is very relaxing, and soon I feel my body resting fully against the bed.

                It feels like I am drifting away from myself, except in the back of my mind I can makes out the sound of footsteps that seem to echo inside my once white room. I can barely register the touch of Rinoa's fingers to my temples now, but I am pretty sure that I hear some kind of distant knocking coming from the walls. I curiously gaze around my new world of shifting blues. Suddenly the wall splits apart as a door opens..

                "H..o..wh.. ng .. th .. all?"

                Everything goes black.

End Part I 

Read? Curious? Review! /gg


	2. Discoveries

From the Inside Out 

Part II: Discoveries

**Squall:**

                Darkness. I'm pushing away thick, heavy veils of black in an attempt to escape my new prison. They simply fall back on me and press me into the floor. Everything here is so unfamiliar to me. I want to think that I am asleep, but I don't feel at ease and there is the absence of both dream and nightmare. Nothing around me feels like _me_. I don't have a clue to where I am.

                "Squ.. ke..p.."

                I know that voice. These veils of darkness make it impossible to decipher the sound, but I swear I know that voice. Suddenly the darkness changes, shifting to hues of dark red, blood red. Something similar to anger passes through me. I'm too lost to embrace the emotion, but instead it seems to take hold of me. My chest tightens painfully and my eyes snap open.

                At first all I see is that white curtain, but the pain is absent. Rinoa's 'old sorceress trick' must have worked. I knew I shouldn't have doubted her. The white dulls and it turns out that I am staring up at the infirmary ceiling. I also can see the side of the sick bed, which meant I was on the floor—and that would also explain why my neck is angled painfully between the wall and bed.

                "Wake up, please."

                I am awake. Is that Rinoa's voice?

                Groaning, I push myself up onto my elbows. My legs somehow got tangled with the metal stool beside the bed. Strange, they seem longer for some reason. Whatever, I want to know what I am doing on the floor.

                "Squall, com'on, wake up hon."

                "I'm up," I growl. I hate pet names.

                Rinoa looks over the bed at me and frowns with an annoyed leer in her eyes. I look back at her in mild confusion. What is that look for? _I_ am the one lying on the floor after one of _her_ spells. I should be giving _her_ that look.

                "I wasn't talking to you." She rolls her eyes skyward then looks back down at the bed. A figure stirs there but I can't see over the edge to identify the individual.

                I sit up all the way and wince when a pain shoots up my spin. I rub my hand over the back of my neck; mentally noting that someone took off my leather gloves. There seems to be something else that was hindering my motions, something that feels tight around my shoulders.

                "Squall, wake up."

                "I am," I scowl at the raven-haired sorceress before climbing to my feet. My right foot steps on some kind of fabric directly beneath me, when I stand the cloth moves and pulls down at my shoulders. I fall back to the floor. "What the.."

                I flip over onto my knees and feel a long coat-like thing fall against the back of my legs. I'm wearing a trench coat..?

                "Seifer, you never were too bright," Rinoa jeers as I carefully rise to my feet and examine the light gray trench coat with the way too familiar blood crosses along the sleeves.

                "And you were never bright to begin with," a strange male voice mutters.

                I stop examining the clothes I am wearing in order to look down at the bed from which the new voice had come from. Who dared to insult my girlfriend?

                …

                What I see nearly makes me fall straight to the floor in pure shock. I scan over this other man to double check if I am hallucinating. Nope. What I see is short, uneven brown hair; black soft leather pants; silver buckles; feather trimmed bomber jacket; pale skin; griever necklace.

                That was **_me_** lying on that bed. But how am I able to see myself? There is no way this is a trick of mirrors. Hell, there is only one mirror in the sick room.

                The other me stirs on the bed, blissfully unaware that it's in the wrong place—err, or that I am in the wrong place. Where the hyne would I be if not inside my own body?

                I grab at the gray trench coat and look down at the blue white-trimmed shirt, black pants and army boots. This is _not_ my body. It didn't even have the same feeling, or balance, nothing at all!

                "Squall! Did you just insult me?" Rinoa's voice is the only thing that keeps me from bolting out of the room.

                "I didn't say anything," I speak defensively.

                "I said it," the other me rolls onto his back and opens his eyes to look up at Rinoa. He grins and turns his head to see who else is in the room. When his blue-gray eyes fall on me his face drains of color. "Holy shit."

                He jumps to his feet and stands before me. Okay. I don't like to hear myself swear. Actually, I don't like seeing _my_ body move without me being the one to control it.

                "How the fuck did my body—who did—where is a mirror." My other self brushes past me. He seems shorter than me. How odd.

                "What is going on, Rinoa?" I manage to whisper while watching myself disappear through the doorway. I force myself to look at my girlfriend and take in her utterly confused expression, which must be similar to the look I am wearing.

                "I'm n-not sure," She stutters then sinks to the floor and wraps her arms around her knees. If this had been any other situation I would have immediately bent down to comfort her. But instead, all I could feel is anger that is beginning to boil in my veins.

                "Squall?" There's that strange voice again.

                The other me is in the doorway. When we meet eyes he grins wildly, a very strange expression that I do not like to see on my face. Who is this perp that is invading my body?

                "That _is_ you in there?" he continues, unaware of my mental question. I never knew my voice sounded so strange—but no, it can't be. That person is not me.

                "Sweet hyne," He leans back and eyes me up and down a few times. "I am pretty damn good looking."

                That arrogance. That smirk. The trench coat. The clothes. My mind swims with the small details as the realization comes to me. "Seifer?"

                My other body steps forward and smirks up at me. He grabs the edges of the trench coat I'm wearing. "What, don't recognize me, Squally-boy?"

                I ignore my double and scowl at Rinoa, demanding an answer. 'Seifer' follows my gaze to the sorceress cowering in the corner. He gives a few tugs on the trench coat, like he was straightening it out to fit better on me. "Your girlfriend really screwed up this time."

                Rinoa folds her arms over her head in a childish attempt to hide. I sigh and find myself pressing a hand to my forehead in annoyance. Hey, at least my headache is gone, right?

                Seifer snorts at me then flops down on the narrow bed. He's still smirking like he is enjoying the body switch. What is there to enjoy about this predicament?

                Wait..

                I don't want Seifer in my body at all. This is bad. Real bad.

                "Rinoa," My new voice growls. It sounds more threatening than I meant it to be.

                "I don't know!" Rinoa stands up in a rush. "I was just in here helping Squall—" she points to the 'Squall' on the bed, then jerks to point at me instead. "Argh! I don't know!"

                "Whatever you did, undo it." I shout with an unfamiliar anger rising on the inside.

                "Yeah Rinoa, and make it snappy. As much as I loove being inside Squall's body, " He smirks at me and winks. I didn't know that I could wink. Wait, what the hyne was he suggesting there? "I do have to meet Fujin and Raijin for lunch."

                "I can't! I don't know what I did," Rinoa glances between the both of us. I could see the tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. "It was all going fine until Seifer barged in. It surprised me. The next thing I know is Seifer fainted—"

                "I didn't faint," Seifer pushed a leather-clad hand through the brown locks of hair. He frowned and tugged at one particularly long strand.

                "Whatever, you both just passed out." Rinoa sits down on the bed next to the body that should have been mine. She looks at the other Squall as if seeking comfort. Seifer contorts my body's face to glare at my girlfriend. Rinoa realizes her mistake and jumps away from the bed. She then turns towards me, the true Squall, but freezes before approaching. I look like Seifer, how could she find comfort in that?

                "Oh hyne, what have I done," Rinoa turns away from me and flees the room, leaving us to stare blankly at the empty doorframe.

                "What are you waiting for? Go fetch your girlfriend." Seifer swings his legs over the side of the bed in order to sit up.

                "Give her some time.." I cross my arms over my broad chest. The trench coat feels uncomfortably tight around my shoulders with the stance.

                "I don't have time Squall. We still have to get back to Quistis' class, and then lunch—and I would like to do that in my own body." He stands and crosses his arms as well. It looks strange to see myself talking so much.

                "She doesn't know how to undo this. She needs some time to think about it. I think we should just go back to class like nothing happened," I try to calmly state, but the words come out angry and rushed instead.

                Seifer just shakes his head at me, sending brown bangs falling into his face. He tries to huff them aside a few times, creating a rather comical appearance. I chuckle at the sight before I notice what I am doing. I quickly shut up and put on a serious scowl.

                His eyebrows arch at me, "Did you hit my head or something? Because you are suggesting that we stroll calmly back into class, you as me, and me as you?"

                "Yes," I nod to stress my point. What is the problem with that? We could just go to class and not talk about anything. Then I would find Rinoa at lunch and then we would reverse the whole thing. What is so wrong with that?

                "Whatever," he shakes his head then laughs quietly to himself. "_Whatever_. Yeah, this will be easy."

                I roll my eyes and walk out of the room. I feel unbalanced with longer legs so I try to take smaller steps. My feet don't seem to want to comply and I end catching the back of my left leg with my right foot. Seifer grabs my arm before I can stumble into Doctor Kadowaki's desk.

                "Squall, I don't know if this is going to work," Seifer looks at me without an expression readable on his face. Did I always look that cold?

                "Of course it will," I angrily jerk my arm out of his grasp. Something inside of me did not like to be told I am wrong.

                "I don't know about you Squall, but I have a reputation and if you.." he trails off to look me over while arching his brows yet again, "if you walk in there like _that_.. I fear what people will say."

                "That's not my problem," I snap and storm out the door. I make it into the hallway without any further trouble from my long legs.

                "It is your problem," Seifer shouts down the hall. I glance around; glad to see no one to witness the very uncharacteristic Squall. I then turn and glare fire(not ice) at the grin I find on his face. He slowly walks up to me, "You are somehow forgetting that while you are in my body, I am in yours."

                I didn't see his point. We were both in this uncomfortable situation, how could I possibly forget that?

                "All right. If you want to act all sociopath in my body then I have no choice but to show people that Squally isn't as introverted as people think he is." He smirks while I try to figure out what he was planning.

                Seifer backs out of my reach with that dangerous impish look that I know is a sign of trouble. He grabs the edges of the bomber jacket and begins to roll his shoulders. The jacket slips off his slender frame little by little in an erotic display. He was starting to strip _my_ body in the middle of the hallway!

                "Stop that," I order, but to no avail. The jacket hits the floor and Seifer takes hold of the bottom edge of the white shirt. He pulls it up inch by inch, swinging his hips with every movement. Slowly his pale, but defined abs come into view.

                I just stare, utterly shocked at what Seifer is doing to my body; turning it into some arousing image. Arousing? What? I did not like seeing my own body dancing seductively before me. However, this other part of me—the part that was not quite me—that part is enjoying the performance.

                The shirt is nearly over his head by the time I finally step forward and seize his arms. The white shirt falls back down over the recently exposed flesh. He tries to pull away but, for a first time, I am stronger than him.

                "You get my point, Squall-boy?" Again that smirk on the wrong lips.

                I push him away and double to pick up the discarded jacket, which I throw at Seifer's chest. "Never. Do that. Again."

                "Burn that into my memory, I want to be able to remember what you just saw," He shrugs on the jacket.

                I stare at him like he just asked me to turn in my gunblade for pom-poms. I have no idea exactly what he meant by that, but all the reason that I could think of sent alarm bells ringing in my head. "Why?"

                "We need to get back to class," he ignores my question and steps around me to head towards the elevator. I look around the hall to ensure that no one saw Seifer's recent antics in my body. I then hurry after him. We managed to ride the elevator in silence with only a few uncomfortable glances on my behalf.

                I'm still lingering on his previous words. It has grabbed my curiosity and it's now nagging at me. I swear it almost sounded like he seriously wanted to remember what I saw because of some sexual interest. That'd be crazy. Seifer Almasy liking me, his rival, but more than just a rival. Of course, he is just teasing me, Seifer is always teasing me. I mean, come on, I _do _have a girlfriend after all. I'm not gay—but what if Seifer is? I never did see him dating anyone. What if he is interested in me? And now he is my body? It makes me nervous, real nervous.

                "Squall, please, don't go off brooding in my body," Seifer looks me over for a third time. He rises onto his toes and runs a hand through my hair, effectively slicking back the few short blond hairs that had come loose. His hand remains on the back of my neck as our eyes meet. I still can't get over the image of my body walking around with me. I wonder what he is thinking?

The elevator comes to a stop and the doors slide apart. Seifer breaks our gaze and pulls away to tugs at the edges of my trench, "Try to act tough."

                He steps off the elevator and I follow. He pauses and pushes me back through the doors. "Oh yeah. Don't let them see me walking in with you. We don't want to give the wrong impression."

                After a subtle wink he hits the first floor button and the doors close between us. The elevator moves downward as I watch a smirking Squall wave through the glass until I'm out of sight.

                Damnit. Damn him!

                I punch the elevator doors in frustration. Act tough? Show up late, right? Screw him. No one tells me what to do. I would show him 'tough'. I would give him a close-up of my fists. –Whoa, since when did I think like that? I never let my temper get to me. But right now, that's all I can comprehend. It's burning in my veins, obscuring my thought process.

                The elevator hits the first floor and I jab my finger into the second floor button. The door close once more as the elevator rises. I tap my foot against the floor with impatience until I finally reach the second floor.

                I storm down the hall with the gray trench flying out behind me. It gave me a boost of confidence(maybe arrogance) to know I looked good. I had seen Seifer plenty of times to know the power of his presence. His rebellious nature could catch everyone's attention, whether it be good or bad attention.

                I step into the classroom. A dozen pairs of eyes fixate upon me before I could even take another move.

                "Seifer, how nice of you to join us again," I clearly make out Quistis' voice.

                I could just hear the retort the real Seifer would say. I almost let it slip past my lips, instead I merely glance in her direction. I always wonder why Seifer would talk back to the teachers, why he couldn't just hold his tongue. But right now, I understand. When everyone's attention is on me and the teacher is attempting to make a fool of me, I feel the need to entertain. They expect me to perform for them. I am the rebel, the bully. I could be nothing else to them. Even if I try, I could never change what they thought of me.

                This is a realization that hit me hard, and it happened by me simply walking into the classroom. The little dosage of 'Seifer' is nearly enough to make me actually give a sardonic response to the instructor. I almost feel an obligation to act like him. Almost, but I refuse to be manipulated by all of them. I ignore their stares and walk to my seat only to find an aloof looking brunet sitting in my place. This 'Squall' points to a desk across the aisle.

                "Did you forget where your seat is, Seifer?" That's Quistis again. She is just asking to start a fight. Just because she is an instructor gives her no right to mock me.

                I move around and take the other seat. I lean forward, slouching while crossing my arms to rest on the desk. This way I couldn't see the rest of the class. I would ignore them and make it through this day without losing my cool. There is going to be nothing hard about this. Soon it would be lunch, and Rinoa should have sorted all this out and she should be able to change us back.

                A crumpled piece of paper rolls across my desk. I turn my head to see the person who had thrown it. It's Seifer. He's mouthing and gesturing for me to do something. Ugh, I can't read lips, what does he want?

                "What?" I shake my head while mouthing the question. He motions towards his legs then his chest in a gesture I don't understand. His eyes roll skyward after I shake my head a second time.

                "Fine," I hear him whisper. He then kicks his feet up onto the desk and folds his arms behind his head. It was a basic Seifer pose but with the wrong body. I frown and glance around the classroom. Seifer is going to embarrass me—err, the me that everyone else could see. The real Squall, well, _I_ didn't sit like that.

                "Stop doing that," I whisper across the aisle. Seifer only leans further back into his chair. It annoys me to no end. I really did not want people to see the other me acting like.. like Seifer. I swipe my arm at his feet in order to knock them off the desk, but he places them out of my reach.

                "Seifer!" My head snaps up automatically, even though I didn't register the name mentally. I can see Quistis glaring at me from the front of the class. "Leave Squall alone, and keep your hands to yourself."

                What the hell? Did that woman have a camera watching my every move? I swear she has some kind of "Seifer sensor" installed in her head, because for every little move I make she is there to try and stop me. Argh! I didn't even do anything. It was Seifer—er, Squall—Seifer, Whatever. It was _his_ fault.

                "One more disruption of my class and I will have to ask you to leave and you will receive a zero for the day," She warns with a stern gaze then returns to her lesson on GFs.

                I slouch back down behind my computer desk. The screen flickers before me, asking me to login to get my homework. Well, I hope Seifer isn't in any dire need to get his work because I don't know his password. He could get it later anyway; we'd be back to normal by lunch.

                Another piece of paper hits the side of my head. It rolls into my vision where I try to burn it to ashes with a glare. Unfortunately I am not able to cast fira through my eyes. Instead I give in to the urge to again look across the aisle to my other half. Seifer is mouth something again. He points to the paper and gestures for me to unravel it.

                The paper ball goes flying as I knock it away with a wild sweep of my arm. I extend my middle finger towards Seifer in 'response' to the annoyance. I didn't want to read a note from him. Couldn't he just leave me alone?

                "Seifer Almasy!" Holy fucking hyne that woman has it in for me. "I told you not to disrupt my class. You've distracted your fellow students for the last time today. Please leave at once. Maybe tomorrow you will think before you act."

                This is not fair. I'm not even doing anything that would attract anyone's attention but Seifer's. She didn't even notice that _he_ is the one disrupting class. It's like Quistis is letting 'Squall' get away without getting into trouble, or protecting him—well me, but, not me.

                "Seifer. Leave now."

                She wastes more time singling me out than I do actually disrupting it. Well, time that Seifer interrupts, not me—except I am the one doing it now. Damnit, this is confusing. I was only my fault now because she is watching me like a damn hawk!

                "Now Mr. Almasy, I will not ask you again."

                Fine. I stand and pause only to glare at Seifer, who is responsible for this entire mess. He probably did this on purpose just to piss me off. He succeeded; congratulations, jerk.

                I forcibly knock his feet off the desk as I walk by. The action doesn't go unnoticed by Quistis who all but yells for me to leave the room. I cast a fiery glare in her direction before walking through the door. I had better things to do than put up with Seifer and her anyway. It's almost lunchtime, so I need to find Rinoa to end this nightmare.

**End Chapter.**

Read? Curious? Review!

Aw, thanks to my first four reviewers! I know it wasn't much in the first chapter but I appreciate the responses. I'm actually surprised you found my story. /swt Although, can't you just see the amusing little predicaments I could put this two in? I have quite a few situations in mind, but I'd like to hear what everyone else is imagining ^.^


	3. Lunch

From the Inside Out 

Part III: Lunch

**Seifer:**

                Squall really needs to stop stressing out so much. I was only trying to help him out a little by attempting to casually tell him to loosen up, to sit more like _I_ would sit. But no, instead he threw a little fit and acted even more antisocial in my body. That was not the image I wanted to portray to my fellows students. So, in retaliation, I acted anti-Squall in his body. It was only fair.

                I was angry at first, angry that he wasn't paying attention to what I was trying to tell him. At least I was that way in my thoughts; the rest of my body and mind could care less. I'm guessing the apathetic nature is what was left of Squall after the infirmary fiasco. I can tell that Squall at least has my temper. I can't say that I miss it. It's actually a relief not to be suffering from a short fused temper. Heh, it's also nice to not have Quistis breathing down my neck every five minutes.

                I almost feel sympathetic for Squall. Speaking of the fellow; I'm roaming the halls in search of my other half. Class had gotten over a good five minutes ago, and I have yet to spot the familiar gray of my trench coat.

                Step after step I move along the walkway. Each one is light and precise. I hate to admit it, but I am having a great time in Squall's body. The guy has an unbelievable sense of balance. No matter how quickly I turn, or how far I lean to one side, I always find myself sure footed and evenly balanced. I am like a sleek, beautiful feline in bipedal form. Fear me pitiful unbalanced students of Balamb! "Rar."

                "Squall?"

                Oh shit. I let the ice walls snap down in place, crushing my euphoria high. My feet come to a halt and I glance over my shoulder to see a bewildered looking blonde staring back at me with electric blue eyes.

                "Did I just.." Zell cocks his head to the side in a quick gesture that resembles that of a chicken. "Never mind." He quickly shakes his head side-to-side and just stares at me. I do my best Squall impression of playing silent and impassive.

                There is a few seconds of tense silence between us where I begin to think he sees through my mask. Yet, to my relief, Zell flashes his fanged smile and comes to stand alongside me. His gloved hand comes down on my shoulder. "Man, I'm glad that I ain't the only one late!"

                I'm being directed to walk down the red strip walkway to the cafeteria before I can protest. What I want to do is shove Zell to the ground—but that is what Seifer would do and I had to play Squall. I didn't _have_ to pretend to the Ice Prince. Actually, I should just do whatever the hyne I want. Screw what everyone else would think. But, maybe if I go with Chickenwuss, I can see what Squally's friends are like when I'm not there to pester them.

                "—so then I just told the teacher that Seifer took my books and she extended my due date."

                Oh, Zell is talking? I must have gotten lost in my thoughts..

"What books?" I shrug off the hand that had grown uncomfortable warm against my shoulder. My eyes narrow as I glance at the slightly shorter male. I didn't remember taking any books from him.

                Zell beams at me for some strange reason and I get another glimpse of his incisors. "The book Instructor Stabler gave us about the signs and symptoms of all the status effects."

                "I didn't take that book from you," I sneer.

                "What? No! _Seifer_ took it," He laughs.

                "No—oh," I bite down on my tongue. For a moment I forgot whom I am trying to impersonate. I'm not too sure how Squall acts around his friends. Maybe I can just play mute and they won't suspect anything out of the ordinary.

                Zell leads me through the lunch line. I wish he would stop bouncing up and down to that eternal rhythm that seems to run throughout his body, it gets really annoying after the first few minutes. He dishes himself up a large meal while I stare at what is on the menu. I know I am hungry, but my body doesn't feel like eating, so I just skip ordering and follow Zell through the tables.

                He sits down at the head of the table. I glance at the three other occupants; Selphie next to Irvine and Quistis sitting opposite of the pair. That left two other seats, one next to the instructor for Rinoa and the other at the head of the table for Squall. I knew exactly where and how they sat at lunch. I always saw them here.

                I slip into my chair. Everyone greets me but I just prop my elbow onto the table to use my hand as a headrest. I vacantly stare towards the windows while no one takes much notice to my silence. The others resume their conversation.

                "Guess what!" That would be Selphie. She has the strangest ability to make even the dullest of news seem exciting. "I learned that I passed my government exam today!"

                What did I say; even the dullest of news was like a new break through with that girl. She claps her hands together a couple of times, practically bouncing in her chair. "I was sooo afraid that I was going to fail. Politics are so incredibly boring and Instructor Keiser laughed at me when I told that my motto for mayor would be: Everyone! Love! And Peace!"

                I want to roll my eyes at her but something inside of me tells me that the action would go unnoticed. The other half of me wants to just stare out the window, but _I_ refuse to look towards the glass. I need to listen to these people to see what makes them good enough to be Squall's friends.

                "I was going to study the night before but I wanted to finish planning for the next garden festival that—oh oh!" Selphie bounces a few times in her chair. Her excitement is pouring out too quickly for her mouth to keep up with the pace. "That reminds me! Hey—er—where is Rinoa?"

                I glance at the empty seat to my right. That is a good question. I've never seen that woman skip lunch before. Did that mean Squall had found her? That would mean I didn't have much time to enjoy this body. There are so many different things that I want to do—it's not like I had been waiting for the day I would switch bodies with Squall. I've just been thinking all through class about all the opportunities that are now open to me. I can't switch back now. I don't _want_ to switch back yet.

                I feel eyes upon me. Everyone at the table is looking at me as if waiting for an answer to a question I did not hear. I stare blankly back at them while growing nervous under their hungry gaze. What did they want from me?

                "Soo, where is Rinoa, Squall?" Irvine speaks up after taking in my lack of words.

                I don't know where she is, and I do not really want to know. Yet all of them are still looking at me. My mind panics and puts out the only Squall-like gesture I can think of; I shrug.

                "Err, but you always walk to lunch with her," Selphie frowns.

                My muscles tense in hidden annoyance. The reaction is automatic and the discomfort is an underlying feeling that didn't originate from me. I feel defensive and cornered like an animal by their unblinking stares. I narrow my cobalt eyes at all of them, warning them to back off before I was forced to strike.

                "No," My glare shifts to rest on the blonde seated at the opposite end of the table. He has everyone's attention yet he's sitting there, stuffing another spoonful of food into his mouth. It bothers me that he can't seem to stop eating just for a moment. Judging by the rate he is shoveling the lunch into his mouth, I'd say he is afraid that the food was going to disappear if he stopped to talk.

                "I saw him," Zell pauses again to take another bite, "in the hall." I can see crumbs of who-knows-what clinging to the sides of his face. "He was alone."

                "Are you sure he wasn't waiting for her?" Selphie chirps.

                Uh, hello? I'm right here. Why are they not asking me? I was the one hat was there, I was the one that knew what I was doing—and Damnit, I was not waiting for Rinoa.

                "Yeah, he was alone and," another bite is taken before the martial artist sits back in his chair and wipes his mouth with the back of his arm. "He was walking towards the cafeteria."

                "No I wasn't," I dispute but my voice is unnaturally quiet. No one seems to notice that I said anything. The metal walls of ice I let down earlier seem to thicken at the realization. I try to correct them once more but I just can't seem to get my voice to work. My words are bouncing off the ice walls and circling darkly in my head.

                "Well that's odd," Selphie pouts to herself. "I was hoping to ask her for opinions about my ideas for festival. I also need some help, soo—" Her vibrant green eyes snap onto me. She flashes her most adorable smile while I scowl through the ice at the forthcoming question. "Squall, do you want to help out?"

                "No," I respond, every fiber of my body agrees with my refusal.

                She frowns and looks away, "I was thinking you could be my stage director."

                The ice thickens, numbing my insides so that I couldn't feel anything. But I am like fire trapped inside. I refuse to simply let my anger go unnoticed. These people are listening to me, yet they don't hear a thing I say. 

                "I think Squall will do a good job," Quistis compliments. I take no notice because she is talking as if I had said yes to Selphie's request. "Although, I'm not sure that he can start anytime soon. I sent him to see Doctor Kadowaki this morning because he wasn't feeling well."

                "Ooh, that would explain it. Maybe," Zell is twirling his fork between his two fingers and looking at me. It feels like he is looking only at my shell of ice, not in any way did he see me.. .. me? Squall.. he didn't see Squall through the ice. "She give you something, or something? Cause, no offense Squall, but you're acting kind of strange."

                "How is he acting strange?" Quistis draws Zell's gaze away from me while giving no chance for me to respond.

                "I was telling him about my day and he actually responded by asking questions. It's like he's gotta be on some kind of relaxing drug or something," Zell explains to the slowly nodding Quistis.

                I'm pounding on the ice, watching it splinter beneath my fist. I need to break through to them. This treatment from them is only making these walls thicker. I had little hope of lifting them now. Once I had let the ice barrier form, they had frozen into place. I should have never let them come down. I'm alone and trapped, the other part of me has already given up and faded away; but I'm stubborn and refuse to simply disappear.

                "Maybe he's acting weird 'cause Rinoa is gone," Selphie chimes in. "Or maybe we just think he's being strange because we don't see him with her, they're always together, you know? They make such a cute couple."

                I truly hate to hear people talking about Squall being with Rinoa. It's not like I am jealous, never! I'm just angry that Rinoa consumes all of my rival's time. Him and I use to have quite the unique relationship with each other, one filled with mock duels, sweat, blood and mutual silence. But that had been taken away from me about four months ago. Damnit. Squall had been mine. I wouldn't let her take him from me—and right now I have a part of him back, his body, and I am not about to lose him a second time.

                Selphie's last phrase is enough to ignite an intense fire around me. The ice walls melt enough for me to break through to the rest of my body. My fist comes crashing down on the table, startling those around me.

                "Yo Squall, are you—"

                "Shut it Chickenwuss." I snarl and pin him with what I guess to be a fatal glare of ice and fire.

                "That's not Squall-like at all," Selphie shakes her head.

                I stand from my seat so quickly that it nearly falls over behind me. I scan their faces, daring them to speak again. There is no possible way that they know how Squall is like all the time. They did not write the words he speaks, nor did they program the actions he takes. These friends of his didn't know him at all. They didn't realize that they were killing him by assuming who he is. They just seem to make him a shell where he feels nothing but hollow and bruised. They use, mis-use, and force him to be someone he doesn't want to be.

                I can't stand it any longer. My fist hits the table once more, causing the lunch traps to rattle. "You don't know anything about Squ—me. You don't know what I think or feel. Stop fucking assuming things about me."

                Their blank, slack-jawed expressions are too much for me to handle. I turn and storm out of the cafeteria, not missing Zell's voice break the stunned silence.

                "Did he just call me Chickenwuss?"

            I smirk at that and leave without a backwards glance. I conclude that Squall's friends are messed up and in turn they have messed up Squall. And now that I have melted through his ice walls, I'm determined not to let them come back down. I have too many things to accomplish and only a limited amount of time to complete them. I can't afford to be trapped in a room of ice where I feel nothing but cold, alone, abused.. I didn't want that.. Squall wouldn't want that..

**End Chapter.**

Read? Curious? Review! /gg

I was going through Bizkit's favorite's list and I noticed that I have the same story idea as Shin-Ra 26. We even had Rinoa be the cause of their misfortune. I didn't steal any ideas though. I didn't even know anyone else had attempted this idea. I thought I was being original. /wah So KuDoS to Shin-Ra for originality!

**Redrum**: Seifer will indeed have a lot of fun!(if he can manage to fight off the depression that I gave Squall to make him angsty. I don't think I can manage good angst, but I'll try.) I think you'll like the next chapter I have planned. It involves a mirror.. hmm..

**Kitian**: You got the whole idea of it. ^^ I hope that I don't characterize Squall too out of character though. I know this chapter was a littler serious, but I'll throw in some more humor the next one. I hope to not disappoint you.

**Danni-Chan**: I'm glad you like it so far. And yes, I do hope to venture into the more yaoi-ish regions of my plot line. I'm not that experienced of a writer yet—I haven't trained my mind to misbehave yet. But I shall make an attempt!

_Thanks also to my other reviewers:_ **Grasshopper2, Eternal_Darkness2, Verdanii, Wind Chime Bells, Canyon A. Lynn **_and_ **Isk.**


	4. Scars

From the Inside Out 

Part IV: Scars

**Squall:**

Rinoa is nowhere to be found. I spent my whole lunch hour looking for her, but there seemed to be no trace of her. She simply just disappeared into thin air. Actually, given that she is a sorceress, I wouldn't doubt it if she did actually vanish in said fashion. But I had searched high and low for her, and all I got for my efforts was a stomach that is now growling painfully as I walk.

There is one place that I have yet to check, the dormitories, which is my current destination. I make my way down the hall striped with brown. It's sort of nice not to be disturbed by either Zell or Selphie. It's always one of those two that seem to find me when I least expect it; so I am enjoying the peace while I can.

The hallways splits and I head towards the girl's rooms. I plan to check if Rinoa is in her room, or maybe if her roommate has seen her or not. I'm a bit worried about my girlfriend. She has never gone missing for more than ten minutes. At least, the kind of gone where she ran away. Of course we have time apart from one another. We're not attached at the hip like some people seem to think. And so her room is the last place I can possibly think of that Rinoa would hide. There really is no use for her to hide, one way or another she is going to have to get me back inside my own body before Seifer can cause damage.

Room 32 is in front of me. I raise my hand and knock heavily few seconds to make sure that whoever is inside hears it.

"Seifer."

That name makes me frown. It's like an echo in the back of my mind, reminding me that I have to find that blonde jerk soon. If he went to lunch, there is a good chance that he had encountered my friends. I bet he told them all off, making them hate me—then left to have lunch with his friends but in _my_ body. He's so damn selfish.

"SEIFER."

I whirl around and back up against the door in surprise. I find a short silver-haired girl standing inches away. She has her one crimson eye staring coldly at me while the other remains hidden behind a black eye patch, which only seems to heighten her menacing presence. I slouch against the door and advert my gaze to the other side of the hall. _I don't want to be here.._

Fujin crosses her arms while shifting her weight onto one foot. Her stern, almost motherly gaze keeps me pinned against the door. It's apparent that she expects something form me—but all I can manage to do is shift uneasily. I have never given thought to the possibility that I might run into one of Seifer's friends. Am I suppose to tell them that I'm really Squall, and that Seifer is strutting around in my body? But if I did that, then my body would be seen hanging around Fujin and Raijin—and I'm sure Seifer would just go about, playing a jerk in my body.

"SEIFER. NO LUCNH. WHY?" Her voice fills the hall, making me wince. I really hate how Fujin could draw so much attention and not care.

"I wasn't hungry," I lie, and to my dismay my stomach chooses now to growl loudly.

Fujin narrows her eye at me in silent question. She glances to the door behind me and her crimson orbs light up with curiosity. "RINOA. WHY?"

I visibly cringe at her tone, she sounds alarmed to find me outside of Rinoa's room. Hearing my girlfriend's name also brings up a familiar wave of emotion—the one that I first experienced when waking up in Seifer's body. It's anger, or, not quite. There is pain mixed in with the fury. It feels like.. jealousy? Why?

"Have you seen her?" I manage to ask through my tightly clenched jaw.

Fujin nods then gestures down the hall, "YES. LEFT."

I look in the pointed direction. That's the way I had come from, but how had I not seen Rinoa on my way in? My green eyes fall back on Fujin. I wish that her counterpart were present; Raijin always explains what the silver-haired cadet really means. "Do you know where she was going?"

Fujin shakes her head and I let out a sigh, causing Fujin to inquisitively tilt her head at me. I begin to walk back down the hall, determined to find my girlfriend. Determined to end this miserable day. I'm actually tempted to just throw myself into traffic—that way I get rid of my sad little life _and_ Seifer at the same time.

"SEIFER"

Despite my reluctance, I turn around and nearly trip over my own feet. Fujin arches an eyebrow at me as if I am wearing a leotard. "LEFT _GARDEN_."

"WHAT!?" My voice erupts and I immediately bite down on my lower lip to keep from swearing.

This time it's Fujin who sighs, "Rinoa left with a suitcase. She seemed to be in a real hurry, but I don't have any idea to where she went."

I let go of my lip in order to gap at the short woman. I'm not sure if I am more shocked to hear Fujin's surprisingly sweet, delicate voice speak in full sentences, or if I am horrified from learning that Rinoa has left Garden.

"But since when do you care that Rinoa left?" I thought you would be overjoyed." Fujin again tilts her head at me. She just didn't get it.. and there is a lot being said in her voice that I don't understand as well.

"I _don't_ care," I spit as I feel the anger rise in me once again. I can't believe that Rinoa just left without saying anything. She just left me trapped in Seifer's body! "I am happy. So _fucking_ happy that she is gone."

I turn and leave a bewildered Fujin behind. I hear her voice ringing in my ears, but I can't make out the words. All I hear is my heart hammering inside my head and the sound of my feet pounding over tiled floor.

How could she just leave me like this? I know Rinoa can be a bit rash about decisions now and then, but what could possible make her think that leaving Garden was an option? There had to be some sort of logical explanation, but damnit, I can't think. All this fire, this rage is burning inside of me. I long for my own body, where mental walls of ice would numb all feelings so I could think clearly. But no, instead I have to deal with the pain of knowing Rinoa left me, for no reason might I add.

I stop in the large hallway where to the two sections of the dormitories join. It's here that I pace back and forth, scowling darkly at the hard floor. I don't know what to do. All I want to do is pound something into oblivion. I want to make something hurt just like how I am hurting now.

How could she fucking leave!?

"FUCK," I yell at the barren walls. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I don't have my wall of ice to hide behind. I'm stuck here, having to deal with the emotions I always try to ignore.

My fingers grip at my short blonde hair in frustration. How can anyone deal with this madness?—how am I suppose to keep all this anger inside? What am I going to do? Why won't I shut up?

I need to be alone. I need the cold barren walls of my room—a tangible barrier between myself and the world; since I have lost my mental icing. That is the answer I need. My room is where I need to be. Alone. Silence. It's all there inside my room.

My feet begin to take me down the opposite hall, and soon I find myself standing in front of my door. Fingers fly over the electronic panel, and I retreat into the room before the door can fully open. Blank walls—wait—what the hell. My room, it should have been clean, organized, and empty. Instead I see articles of clothing strew across the floor in a trail that leads up the half-open closet. The drawers of my desk are open as well; some of the contents have even been dumped on top of the wood desk.

Anger boils inside of me—despite my attempts to calmly sort things out. I hear a faint shuffling from the closet. Slowly I begin to follow the cloth trail that leads up to the door that is obscuring my vision from the intruder. There is only one other person that knows the code to enter my room and that's Rinoa. Is it possible that she is in here? Doing what? Gather her left belongings so she can just leave Garden? Just leave me trapped in this emotional wreck of a body?

I grip the door and pull it all the way open, "Rin—"

"Oh shit. Fuck. Don't do that!" It's not Rinoa that jerks in surprise and snaps up to look at me. Instead it's Seifer staring up at me with cobalt eyes. He appears to have discarded the bomber jacket, leaving him in a simple white t-shirt. I don't know what he was doing, but it looks like he decided to dig my closet for something else to wear.

I narrow my eyes and look him up and down. Perhaps to make sure my body is in one piece, or maybe I still am not over the fact that I am not in control of my own body. "What are you doing?"

Seifer stands up with a slight roll of his eyes. He backs away from the closet while gesturing to the emptiness with one of his hands. "You don't have one colorful thing in there. I'm dying in this all-black style you like to strut around in."

I shake my head again. That's not the answer I am looking for. "What are you doing _here_?"

Slender brown eyebrows raise in question. Seifer always knew what I mean to ask. I don't know how, but he does. "Hey, I don't know your class schedule after lunch. It's not going to hurt if you miss a class or two. What are _you_ doing here? I'm suppose to be at class as well, you know."

Great. My class grades were going to suffer because Seifer couldn't come and ask me where he needs to go. Though that is kind of selfish on my part. I never even thought about what classes Seifer needed to attend. Did it even matter? I bet he never went to class. "It's my room--how did you get in here!?"

A sly smirk turns the corner of his lips. Seifer backs another few steps to the wood desk. He props his hands onto the top and silently stares back at me with an expression both calm like ice, and fiery with mischief. "Oh. Well, I didn't think you would care. I mean, would you rather have 'Squall' be seen entering my room? Hmm.."

"That's not the point," my teeth clench together as I try to force myself to speak more evenly. "How do you know the passcode?"

"Obviously.. I've.. been watching you," Seifer last words hang in the air with a tone of hesitation. He watches me for a moment, reading what I could not see, until finally he smiles thoughtfully.

"Why?" The auto-response fires off before I can try to think my rival's words over. I shake my head with a annoyed growl. I hate this body. I hate the emotions. I hate _him_. "Whatever. Get out of my room."

"No, you get out of _my_ room," He jests back at me.

I am in no mood to quarrel so childishly. All I want is to be alone in _my_ room. Seifer is acting like this whole situation is a game. I swear, I am going to kill him when I get back in my own body. "Would you grow up already? Get out."

"Squall, get a hold of yourself and think," his hand connects with side of my head before I could blink. It's not a hard blow, but it's enough for me to shoot a death glare in his general direction. Seifer crossed his arms and continues when it appears I am listening. "I think you've noticed how closely people watch me. Or, to be specific, let's just replace 'people' with 'Quistis'."

The words flow smoothly, but with no emotion, "If I, as in Seifer, get caught by her entering your, as in Squall's, room. What do you think she would do?"

"Like I care," I really didn't care what happened to Seifer.

"You moron," That hand comes at me again, this time in the shape of a fist. I raise my arm to block the blow. My body reacts on it's own and I find myself standing to my full height, holding the attacking arm firmly in one hand. I leer down on my counterpart with a challenging, yet threatening expression.

Cobalt eyes dim for a moment before narrowing. Seifer tries to jerk away but it only causes me to tighten my grip to a painful degree. The discomfort doesn't show on Seifer's face. He merely meets my gaze with look of equal ferocity. My body is pumping with adrenaline—it's so unfamiliar. I've been in this situation before, but never with the confusing, clashing emotions that are running in my head—passing by too quickly for me to pick apart the meanings.

Seifer adverts his gaze. I hear a terse hiss escape past his lips. "Would you quit being stupid. You are in _my_ body, _you_ are _Seifer_ to everyone else—especially Quistis. If she catches you trying to get into what everyone sees as Squall's room, you are in for a temporary ban from garden. How would you like a few days in Balamb, while I strut around as you?"

Despite the way his body had gone rigid, and a cold aura had somehow encircled him—it didn't seem to change the biting, mocking words that Seifer used. I scowl darkly and release my grip of his wrist. I turn away to avoid any 'I-told-you-so' looks. What he said does make a point now that I think about it. That doesn't mean I have to like what he said.

A forced sigh sounds from behind me. I hear Seifer rummaging around with the items on top of the desk. He then taps the side of my arm. I look then take the piece of paper that is handed to me. "What's this?"

With a downward tilt of his head, Seifer looks off to the side with what looked like a frown adorning his face. He's obviously perturbed about the situation moments before. Yeah, I'm sure he's miffed about not being in control for once. But, for some reason, seeing him upset also upsets me. What was I suppose to do? Apologize? Never!

"It's the number of my room, and the code to get inside. It's down the hall and to the left as I doubt you know where my room is," Seifer states the last part bitterly.

"I know where your room is," I attempt to correct him with a sarcastic tone that was not my own. I _do_ know where his room is. Once or twice I've watched him go down the hall and inside his own. Not on purpose. I just.. did..

"Whatever," Seifer shrugs his shoulders in indifference. How strange. I know Seifer would never be impassive. It's simply against his nature. I don't like seeing this personality. He glances at me out of the corners of his eyes. A fleeting look, but still lacking any emotion. "You can go now."

Anger stabs at me again. I can't help it. I didn't like to be told what to do. "Clean up this mess." I spit out to have the last word. I wanted to end the conversation, not him.

Seifer looks away once again, offering no response. Satisfied, I turn and walk towards the door. I'm angry, but I feel the need to apologize. I don't get it. The door slides open, I step through..

"I'm not a fucking maid, clean it yourself," The comment bites at me just as the door closes behind. Seifer always had to have the last word. It's just like him to say something when I don't have a chance to say anything back. Yeah, whatever sympathy I felt towards him is gone. Screw him.

"Jackass," I grumble and stomp down the hall towards Seifer's room.

**Seifer:**

"He'll never change, will he?" I stare at the closed door. I had expected Squall to be a bit perturbed about me being in his room, that's a given. Although, the problem is that Squall did not see the reason to why I had to be in his room and not my own. "Geez, give him a temper, a great body, and he still acts like something crawled up his ass and died."

That whole situation was.. strange, to say the least. I never knew how threatening my real body could be. My current body's first reaction was to completely shut off from reality when Squall seized my wrist and stood over me. But I had sworn earlier to not let down the walls of ice. The whole thing was kind of.. thrilling--but I know that laughing or smirking would only cause more harm. I didn't want Squall to get angry and hurt his own body, so I played cold, alone in the world..

I smile to myself when I remember that I am once again alone in Squall's room. I haven't been here long, but I have discovered a few things about my archrival. He has absolutely no music, not even a radio. I don't know what he does when he goes into his room; stare at the walls? Another thing, there is not one decoration/poster/picture on the walls. Everywhere around me is a flat walls painted in a light shade of gray. I mean, gag me to death with boredom here.

One more thing! Squall has no clothes. He has black, black, black and dear lord and white shirt? He must have bought it when it was dark out, that's the only explanation. I'm going to buy him some clothes. Maybe a few shirts that are pink, yeah, he'd love that.

"Squall, no offense because you do look good in your gothic-like appeal, but let's be serious here, I have yet to find any pajamas. Do you sleep in the nude?" I look off into the corner of the room where the only slightly interesting piece of furniture stands. It's a full-length mirror bordered in silver with animal engravings. I spotted a lion on there earlier, which was probably the only reason why the mirror existed inside this desolate room.

"Or maybe Squally is actually very self-conscious," I question the reflective glass. I smirk at the brunette I see and slowly approach. Yes, I am talking to myself—but it's kind of fun, because I have Squall right here to play along. "We're going to have a load of fun, aren't we?"

I nod so that my reflection agrees. I finger the bottom of the thin white shirt and smirk to myself. "What has Squall to be so paranoid about, huh?"

The shirt is pulled off and is discarded to join the growing pile of clothes along the floor. I study my reflection, drawing out the lithe, muscled body of my rival. Sure, he may be on the skinny side—but he didn't appear frail at all. "Pale a bit, is that what you get all huffy about?"

I can't help myself. I run my fingers up my abdomen to feel the taunt muscle resting just below the skin. My touch continues to trail upwards over the ribs, across the pect to brush over the rose colored nipple. A wave of warmth radiates from the action. I arch an eyebrow at my reflection. "Sensitive there, eh Squall? I'll have to remember that.."

It gives me a wicked idea. I can't wait to see Squally's face when he sees what I am going to do. That is, if I can get back into my own body in order to actually see his face without looking into a mirror. And speaking of the mirror... I smirk at my clueless reflection that is playing along with my antics. "Or maybe it's not your complexion. Perhaps Squall falls a bit short down in the lower regions, hm?"

I'm a pervert. I am well aware of this. I know that if Squall knew what I was doing; he would kill me—regardless that I am inside his body. Reckless as usual, I don't bother to stop my hands from honing in on the black belt. I pull at the strap for a moment while staring intently at the mirror. The strap is not coming lose. Growling, I break my gaze from the mirror (waiting to see what else my rival has hidden from me) and I look down at my working hands.

I shouldn't do this, really. I don't know why I want to. But for some time, I have this fascination with Squall. It wasn't always like this. In the past I only paid mind to him when I wanted to fight. That all changed when Rinoa came into the picture. I became possessive/jealous/envious of the time that he shared with her and not me. No one ever paid attention to Squall but me, until she came. I could go to him anytime, until she came. I hate her. I never knew what I had, or could have had, until she came and took it all away.

What does this have to do with me trying to undo Squall's pants to check him out in full frontal nudity? I really want to know what I am missing. I want to know everything about Squall. He is _my_ rival, I want to know him from the inside out. Weakness, strength, likes, dislikes, everything. The more I obsess over my loss to Rinoa, the more I want to just grab Squall and kidnap him.

Hyne, I'm fucked up..

I hate Rinoa, but right now I hate this belt even more. It's not coming undone. I jerk at the leather strap, then pause as I notice something new. My fingers release their grip on the belt, and slowly my hands raise, palm up, so I can see the underside more clearly. Dark red scars are stretched down my arms. I can tell that the wounds that use to be there were deep—I know because I have similar scars, but not tracing down the vein of my wrists. These scars were.. suicide marks. They couldn't be. There is no way Squall would so something so stupid as to attempt suicide. Although, the marks don't look that old--but I don't remember Squall every being sent to the infirmary on a 'suicide attempt' occassion. Though, come to think of it.. there was that one week when I was sent to on a mission up in Galbadia not too long ago.

"Why would you do something like this..?" I ask the cold, silent room. I feel the answer stirring inside of me, but I can't hear the words. I'm not Squall, therefore I cannot understand Squall no matter how much I try in vain to do so. But I need an answer to why these scars exist—there was only one person that could truly answer my questions. I just hope that he isn't still in a foul mood.

Disregarding the mirror, I pick up the nearest shirt to me and slip it on. I march towards the door, almost allowing the ice walls fall into place. I'm on a mission. There isn't time for jokes right now. I have to be serious. I have to find Squall and tell him how stupid he is for even trying such a stunt! Damn him.

**End Chapter**.

Read? Curious? Review! /gg

Dear lord. This chapter was complete, utter crap! I started it so long ago and never got around to finishing it. I'm sorry if I disappoint the people who look forward to an update in this story. I know this new addition is horrible. I got sucked into the game of iRO and couldn't tear myself away long enough to even think about writing. I finally did get myself away from that horribly addicting game, only to come back to this half-finished chapter and lose all feeling of what I wanted to write for all of you. Please forgive me, I shall try to keep it all together in the future (if there is a future) I'm not really motivated to do anything—if any of you want to support me VIA aim, or talk about ideas of writing I'd love it. I need friends who write ficcies. You can leave your AIM names in the comments and I'll randomly message you with "Hiii" ;;


	5. Boundaries

From the Inside Out 

Part V: Boundaries

**Seifer:**

I storm down the hallway with destruction on my mind. I want to beat Squall into a coma for being so damn stupid. How could he be so selfish as to try and kill himself? Did he think that no one cared about him? Damnit. _I_ cared about the aloof brunet. I would miss him. Who else in all of garden could wield a gunblade like only the lion could? Who would I tease? Who would I compare myself to? Who would drive me to improve myself in order to stay on their same level? I would go crazy without Squall—so he was _not_ allowed to toy around with death.

My cold, gray eyes sweep the hall for any potential witnesses as my body sways to a stop in front of my real room. No one is around, which meant I didn't risk creating any rumors about Squall. It would be one hell of a day for the gossipers if they got wind of how Squall was seen entering Seifer's room with full knowledge of the password like it was an every day thing.

My limbs are rigid with ice and I can tell my face is twisted in a scowl that Squall is so famous for. My fingers fly over the number pad with calm fury. I'm finding it difficult to keep my temper burning within this icicle of a body. Squall must have some sort of defense mechanism that clicks on whenever strong emotions arise. How am I supposed to lecture him now that my initial rage has been crushed?

The door slides open and I silently stalk inside like the dangerous hunting feline I resemble. The familiar sight of my laptop sitting on my desk is the first thing I note at the far end of the room. To my right is an entertainment with a couch a chair facing said piece of furniture. All along the walls are posters of random inspiration. I had put them all up in a crooked fashion. I don't like things to be neat and proper, but I'm not a slob. There _is _a sense of organization to my disorganization. Or so I tell myself. However, there is one thing missing from the Picasso-like art of my room.

"Squall?" My voice pipes up but I receive no response, not even an echo. "I know you are in here. You have no where else to brood."

I mumble a cruse under my breath before walking over to the bedroom where the door is closed. I never shut the door. I turn the knob and push the door open only catch a glimpse of a tanned skin back. Immediately I step back out of the room and re-close the door to give privacy. Apparently he is in the middle of changing—Er, wait a second, why am I giving Squall privacy? That's _my_ body he was in. There's nothing in that room I haven't seen before. Maybe there are things Squall hasn't seen. .. and if he's curious then he's welcomed to look. I'm not embarrassed of my body.

A ghost of a smirk settles on my lips at the amusing thought of Squall exploring his new body. I had tried to do the same thing with his body. It's only fair that he gets a chance as well. Suddenly the door next to me swings open causing me to jump in fright, "Damnit! Would you stop doing that—make some noise—_breath_ for hyne's sake."

"What do you want?" Squall practically growls with my body's low voice. He looks me over, probably checking for any injuries. Once satisfied, he turns, steps around me and seats himself on the couch. I see now that he has changed into one of my loose-fitting t-shirts.

The amusement from before vanishes as darkness creeps into my eyes. I had almost forgotten why I had come—but I couldn't just confront Squall directly. If I did he would close off at once and I wouldn't hear another peep out of him. I have to approach the topic carefully. It is going to be like walking on eggshells from here on out.

"Are you okay?" I ease out the double-sided question as my first step into the eggshells.

Squall narrows his eyes at me. It's a fierce gaze resembling that of a wild cat being corner. If I dare to step closer he is sure to attack. "What do you think?"

I advert my gaze in a passive gesture to show I mean no harm, and also I need to break that intense glare of jade—the passion in those eyes make me nervous. I should just stop now, but I can't let Squall duck out of this sensitive subject.

"You look a bit tired, somewhat stressed," I flash a smile at Squall when I reply to the rhetorical question. Cautiously I take a few more steps over the eggshells to stand closer to the couch. "I'm being serious. How do you feel about me being in control of your body and staying in your room?"

Squall looks away and lounges back against the couch. I can tell he tensed at the question, I know my own body's reactions. This is no different. He's obviously unhappy. I also know he doesn't like the situation, any idiot could guess that. However, that isn't what I am trying to figure out. I never expected an answer because by mere body language I can sum together an answer. I'm quite use to listening to Squall's silent words. "Is there anything I should know about—things you don't want me to do, or get into?"

"Not like anything I say will stop you," Squall rolls his eyes then stiffens as a blank look takes over his face. Slowly his gaze comes back to meet mine. He's questioning me, but I'm not sure if we are on the same level of understanding. He could be thinking of some other secret I have yet to uncover.

"Is there something you did, recently, that you don't want anyone to know about?" I narrow the possibilities down.

Squall's face noticeably darkens. I can tell he's trying to ice himself away, but he is failing. His eyes shift hues as whatever emotions play though his mind. It happens too quickly for me to make sense of the expressions. Soon there is only anger burning in those green eyes. I sit down on the coffee table in front of the couch so I could be across from Squall. He's on the verge of breathing fire, but foolishly I continue thinking the situation is under control. I roll up one of my sleeves to reveal the scars.

"Is there something you want to explain to me?" I watch as Squall looks over the dark red lines a moment before reaching forwards to softly trace a finger over the mark.

The caring act ends abruptly when Squall shoves my arm aside, "It's none of your business."

I'm momentarily stunned, and somewhat hurt that Seifer doesn't care. Wait, what the hell, that is _Squall_ in my body. Not Seifer. _I'm_ Seifer. I wonder vaguely where that first thought came from but quickly recover enough to fix an icy stare on the moody blonde. "I think it is my business."

Squall shakes his head while snorting in disgust. I grab the front of his shirt and yank him forward to keep his attention. "I want to know what kind of suicidal imbecile I have controlling my body. Should I be afraid for my body? What? Tell me."

Those had been the wrong words. I should have thought before I spoke because I forgot one very important detail: Squall has my temper.

"Fuck you!" I suddenly find myself on my feet due to the fact Seifer had grabbed the collar of my shirt. When he stood in anger, he dragged me along for the ride. "I'm not suicidal. Whatever I did I had my reasons, and it's not your fucking business!"

"Not suicidal my ass! What the fuck do you think these cuts are!? Tattoos!?" Wrong words again. My head jerks to the side with a hard blow from Squall's fist. He lets go of me and I drop to the floor between the couch and low table.

"You don't know anything. You're so fucking selfish," Squall yells over me.

This is all wrong. I meekly look up as Squall steps away—he still looks angry. The coppery taste of blood floods my mouth and I swallow it down. I don't understand what just happened. I know that _I_ would never hit Squall, no matter how angry I got. I know how to control my temper—I usually let it out in small dosages. Such as a few rude comments here and there, or I would go pound on grats. The trick is to not let it build up. But even if it did, _never_ would I strike someone, especially when it's Squall. If I ever did in the past, I always let him throw the first punch—which he never did. He never let himself get out of control. So why did he hit me?

I look up at my double in question. Squall appears to be trying to get a hold of himself. The anger is still clearly etched on his face, but he's holding it back. That's the wrong choice. It would build up quickly, and then explode when he can't restrain it anymore. Squall doesn't know how to deal with it, and he is dangerous because of that.

"Get up—get the fuck out," Squall paces, refusing to look at me. He sure did swear a lot now.

Slowly I rise to my feet and glance towards the door. I should leave, but I stubbornly want my answers. "Why did you do it?"

"You don't know when to shut up, do you?" Squall stalks up to me with murder gleaming in his eyes. I refuse to back down and allow him to grab my arm with a painful grip. "Why do you ask? You don't fucking care!"

"Just tell me why," I hold back a wince as his fingers dig into my flesh. It's a good thing the real Squall doesn't have my temper. The guy is not emotionally stable. He can't suppress the feelings like he could in his own body. Speaking of which, I feel unnaturally calm. I feel dead.

"I won't. It doesn't matter. If I told you, you'd just laugh at me—or probably try and make me do it again. Fuck you." Squall pushes me away, turns and storms away.

I hound after him, "No, fuck _you_. I do care about what happened and I want to _prevent_ it from ever becoming a thought in that dense head of yours."

Squall spins around and seizes my arm before I can react. I'm not use to being on the receiving end of abuse. Suddenly I'm being spun around until my back hits against the nearby wall. My head snaps back, cracking against the hard plaster. Little white dots flood my vision just before the pain kicks in. I sink to the floor after my legs give out. This is too much. It's gone too far. Squall is going to kill me if he doesn't get a hold of himself.

"You don't care. You've never fucking cared!" His denial and anger clash dangerously. The two feelings together is never a good mix. Yet here I am, being the victim of their fatal blend.

"Squall.." My vision blurs for a second. He's standing a few steps ahead of me. The fact that he hasn't kicked me yet is a good sign. Calmly I force myself back onto my feet. I don't understand how I am not freaking out at the moment. This is one messed up body. Am I even human anymore?

I steady myself then take one staggering step forward. My arms clumsily wrap around Squall's torso as I rest my head against his heaving chest. "It's okay." I whisper while rubbing a hand up and down his back. I knew a hug is one of the only things that could quell my anger. Kind of sad to know the local bully has a soft spot. Damnit, I just hope it works to calm Squall. It should; if he reacts to my anger, then he should respond to my other feelings as well. "It's going to be all right."

After a while I feel Squall's body relax under my touch. He circles an arm around me, using the other to run his fingers through my hair. It's a nice feeling until his hand touches the back of my head. I jerk away and cradle my head while letting a pained hiss escape from my lips.

"Oh god. I'm sorry Squall. I didn't mean—"He abruptly cuts off.

I register the name he uses and look up in question. He appears to be as confused as I am. I also notice that he is crying—the tears slipping silently from the corners of his eyes. I had always been able to cry silently, but what an emotional wreck. Squall really had no control over my body's feelings. Out of all of them, he could have at least restrained _that_ one. Seifer Almasy isn't suppose to _cry_—at least not in front of others. Why is he crying? What the hell is going on inside his head? First he's irate, now he's apologizing. Just what part of that whole scene was really him, and what was me? Whose feeling is he acting off of?

And why can't I feel anything at all?

"Seifer," Squall corrects the name usage. He wipes the tearstains off his cheek before continuing. "I don't know what came over me. That wasn't supposed to happen. Are you—"

I cut him off with a raise of my hand. I'm in too much pain and confusion to hear anymore. I don't want to risk provoking him again so I carefully walk over to the door to leave. Squall doesn't follow. I know he won't. He can't stand confrontation. He'd rather ignore anything ever happened rather then try to work out a problem. I know that is what I want to do at the moment. I have to get out of this room.

As soon as the door closes behind me I feel my entire body begin to shake. Maybe it's aftershock. I'm not sure but it's making it difficult for me to walk down the hall. The wall serves as a brace until I reach Squall's room—my new room. I punch in the code, sharply aware of the way I am sucking in short, raspy breaths. It's like I am breaking apart, yet I still can't feel a thing. At least not anything I can understand—my body is definitely reacting to something.

I retreat to the inside of the desolate room. My knees buckle and I collapse onto the floor as the door shuts behind me. Before I can make sense of the situation, my hands cover my face to muffle the sobs that begin to choke out. My head pounds with each one, pushing me towards the edge of insanity.

It's amazing. I just release control and allow Squall's body to move on it's own. He's crying. He _is_ human after all. I only wish I could understand why he is upset. There is something deep within Squall's mind, but I'm afraid to dwell into the icy fortress.

_What is it Squall?_ I muse while staring out of blurry eyes. The sobs have lessened to small hiccups. It would have been cute if I didn't hear the mumbles falling from my lips.

"You never listen to me.." My hands press against the soft gray carpet. "I knew you wouldn't care."

I'm standing now and walking into the bathroom. I always thought that I would be in control. Never did I imagine that some part of Squall was left inside of this frigid body. I can feel a dark, ominous feeling cloaking over my mind—the ice walls have come down around me. At this point I am thinking of resuming control, but I am absolutely intrigued at this 'Squall' that has surfaced.

"No one ever listens to me. Fuck you all. I tried to get your attention. But screw Squall. No one fucking cares about him." I go straight for the bathroom mirror and reach up to the top where I can't see. My fingers grab a small metal object and pull it down into my view. It's a box-cutting razor. "I'm sick of being everyone's toy. They always used me to benefit themselves. I'm fucking tired of it. I don't want to go on living as this _freak_."

_Whoa! Wait—shit—_

I desperately try to regain control as my sleeve is rolled up and the razor is positioned over the recently healed cuts. There is a wall of ice blocking me from stopping the actions. I'm stuck on the wrong side of the mental wall and I'm freaking out. It's like watching a movie. I know what is going to happen, but I am powerless to stop it. How the hell did I allow this to happen?

"Just a little bit of respect is all I ask for, just for someone to care about _me_. No one even came to see me. Fuck it. All of it," There is a moment of hesitation where the razor quivers a hair away from my skin. I can feel the tears slipping from the corners of my eyes and I see them splashing over the scarred flesh. I'm sure Squall doesn't want to kill himself. He sounds more like he is trying to talk himself into the sin—but there is no one to talk him out of it.

The razor dips easily into the skin. Dark blood begins to pour out like crimson teardrops. Squall is crying. His body is crying. I lose it. The pain alone is enough to make me scream—not that the little cut hurt to that degree, but the very thought of having to watch Squall kill himself while I could do nothing drove me over the edge. If I had a body to control, I would have thrashed about wildly—instead I screamed at the walls of ice barricading me.

_Fuck this you fucking little bitch. I don't want to die, I don't want you to die. Shit! I care—_The razor pulls away as my arm jerks backwards, "—about your fucking life. Don't kill yourself. God! _Argh—_What the hell is wrong—whoa, hey."

I blink upon realizing I have regained control. I move my limbs just to double check. The bloodied razor is thrown into the sink as I grip the edges to steady myself. My head is pounding. I can't believe what just nearly happened. "Fuck Squall. You scared the shit out of me.."

I stare down at the razor, knowing I had to dispose of the item. It couldn't just be thrown away. I'm sure 'Squall' would just find it again. I reach up and check the top of the mirror for any more razor, which I do in fact discover two others. This could not happen again. I cannot risk losing Squall. I'd kill myself too if he ever did succeed in committing suicide.

"One of these days you and I are going to have a long talk and get to the bottom of this," I explain to my reflection while digging through the cabinet until I find some gauze. The slice on my wrist isn't that bad—more of a hesitation cut.

As I bandage it up I can't help but to thank Squall for being unable to fully commit to his plans. If he had indeed wanted to die, there would be a lot more blood painted over the white sink and I wouldn't be able to stand here. Just looking at the blood makes me sick so I clean up the mess after I am done tending to my wrist. I then gather the three razors and walk out into the main room. I know that getting rid of the blades won't prevent Squall from going out an finding more—but it would help me sleep better tonight if I knew the objects were far away from me. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to find myself in the tub filled with red-tinted water.

I head for the door determined to use one of the hall's garbage cans, when out of the corner of my eye I see the case for Squall's gunblade. An idea lights up in my mind. Instead of throwing away the razors in some trash bin, I could take them into the training center and throw them into the pond. Then I could show Squall a different way to relieve pent up anguish—by killing grats. It would be kind of neat to see how Squall's body fairs in battle. Sure I am in no condition to be fighting, but it's just grats, they pose no real danger.

That's it. I've made up my mind. I open the case and pull out revolver. Its black finish is somewhat of a mockery to the crime I nearly committed. The weight is a little more than what I expected, but it's a welcomed strain on my arm. This blade would be my excuse to why I am now leaving the dormitories after curfew. Like so many of the other students, I sneak into the training center and breath a sigh of relief as the warm air surrounds me. It feels like I have been here a million times before in this body.

Quietly I move along the beaten dirt path and up to the planks over the pond. I quickly toss the razors into the murky water and smile at the satisfying 'plop'. I turn then walk away, feeling a bit of freedom with each step. Revolver is begging to be used so I head further into the trees—all the while ignoring the faint throbbing that is coming from the back of my head. I'd be fine. Squall is a tough guy. Fighting would relieve the stress and maybe I could sleep easier tonight.

A grat shimmies out from the tree line and blocks my path. It's vine-like arms swat at me, landing glancing blows to the sides of my arms. I walk straight through the attack, raise revolver and bring it down on the unfortunate creature. The grat squeals out it's last gaseous breath before it's arms fall lifelessly to the ground. The smell of the carcass fills my lungs before I can back off.

There. That isn't so bad. Squall can kill a grat with one well-aimed blow. I feel like I hardly lifted my gunblade. The pain seems to have lessened in my head as well. I knew this would be a good idea. I continue cutting my way through the forest in order to hunt down the weak monsters, which I slaughter mercilessly. The smell of their death lingers in my nose, but it's doesn't bother me that much. As I head closer to the secret area, the woods grow uncomfortably silent. My shoulders begin to sag as my initial rush of adrenaline wears off. Painfully I feel the throbbing of my head begin to return. The stench of grats is no longer assaulting my senses.

My feet catch on a root and I stumble forward, barely managing to regain my balance—very uncharacteristic for Squall's body. The throbbing intensifies and I am forced to use a nearby tree as an embrace. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm fine one moment, then the next I am breaking apart. What could be wrong?

_I didn't eat the entire day. I got my head slammed against a wall. I tried to kill myself. I haven't healed myself yet. Did you know that grats excrete sleeping gas?_

"Shut up," I growl at my conscious that had started rattling off a list. I had forgotten about that grats had status attacks. When I fight in my own body, I am always junction with Siren so I am immune to those ailments. How stupid of me not to check what sort of GF Squall carries. He must not have status defense, because the sleeping gas must have acted as a type of tranquilizer—numbing the pain I felt in my head. Now that there were no more grats, the effect wore off.

I mumble profanities at myself while pressing a free hand to my forehead. The ground beneath me shakes as a menacing roar sounds from the trees behind me. Heavy footsteps follow and soon the T-Rexaur bursts out of the foliage and onto the dirt path in front of me.

"Fuck you," I hiss at the beast as it fixates its attention on me. It sniffs the air, probably picking up on the scent of grat blood spotting my clothes.

The T-Rexaur makes a snap at me with its jaws. I easily dodge—more of a falling to the side and rolling away. When I stand again, I have Revolver angled in front of me for protection. My head is pounding. I don't need this—I need to get out of the training center before I kill Squall is what I really need to do. Slowly the monster turns towards me while I try to search for a sleep spell. In class they never teach you that everyone sets up their spells differently. Why would they have to teach you that? It's not like changing bodies is an every day thing in Garden. It kind of pisses me off though. I can't make sense of the mumbo-jumbo I am finding in Squall's head.

While lost in my mind, I miss the tail cutting through the air at me. I duck in time to miss a devastating blow to the head, but I'm too slow to dodge when the tail comes flying back. It hits me square in the chest, sending me rolling over the hard ground. Screw the fucking spells. I'm running.

I scramble to my feet empty handed and make a break for the secret area nearby. The trees around me shake noisily as the T-Rexaur chases me. My world begins to dim as I rush along the path until I see the concrete walls of my refuge. I burst in through the doorway into the circular balcony that over looks Garden. Immediately I fall to my knees and try to catch my breath. My hands cover my face as my head pounds to the sound of my frantic heart.

"Ya know you ain't suppose ta be here after hours," I hear a familiar voice off somewhere to my left.

"B-but you're here!" A voice I don't know, don't care, responds to the first.

"Raijin.." That would be me rasping out my friend's name. He must be here playing the part of the disciplinary committee—the secret area is one our favorite places to pick on the other students.

"I have the right to be 'ere. Someone's gotta kick your ass outta 'ere." Raijin's deep, intimidating voice growls at the underclassmen.

I push myself back onto my feet, wincing as the world around me momentarily blacks out from blood rush. My feet carefully carry me to the balcony edge where I lean heavily onto the rail and make my way towards the voices.

"This isn't fair! I'm going to complain to the headmaster about this." I hear the student curse then head for the exit.

"Go ahead. I'm sure Seifer would love ta hear 'bout a little baby tattle tale," Raijin snorts and I can't help but smirk at the threat. I know who he is talking about even though I didn't recognize the student's voice. Stupid Nida. I'll go torment him once I get my old body back.

"Raijin," I grip at the railing to stop myself from falling forward.

"Er, Squall?" Raijin responds and I can tell he's nervous. Between my friends and I, no one is allowed to pick on Squall but me—even if he is doing something wrong like sneaking into the secret area after curfew.

"Get me out of here," My hands tighten on the railing as another wave of pain assaults my head. "Now."

"You okay man? You don't look too go—"

"Now, Raijin. Get me the fuck out of here before I pass out."

I know I shouldn't have asked Raijin for help. I'm risking a lot with bending the rules—the ones that don't really exist between Squall and I. We both didn't want this situation to be known to others. It can't be helped though. Something is seriously wrong with Squall and ignoring it is only making it worse. He needs to start accepting the help of others. Right now, as Raijin loops my arm over his shoulders to assist me, I just can't help but think this is the best choice I've made all day.

**End Part V.**

Read? Curious? Review! /gg

_Yes. A strangely serious chapter—I shall reintroduce the humor next time. So can anyone explain to me what I am allowed to post, and what I am not? I wasn't here during the whole no NC-17 fiasco. I'm sort of confused because there are a lot of 'graphic' stories out there still o.o_


	6. Transition

From the Inside Out

Part VI: Transition

**Seifer:**

It was such a weird dream.

I groan and curl an arm around my face to block out the bright world. Who had turned on the lights? Could they not see that I am trying to sleep? Who is in my room anyway? If it is Raijin I am going to kick his ass later. Once I find motivation to get out of bed. I feel so sore, all I want to do is go back to sleep.

Grumbling, I pull the sheets over my head and turn onto my side to try and hide from the burning lights. Screw classes today. I don't feel like enduring another day of idiotic professors. Despite my efforts to sleep my eyes slowly open to stare blankly at the white sheet obscuring my view. Hm.. I don't have white sheets. Mine are dark green. Or did I change them? I can't seem to remember.

Oh hyne, I groan again out of irritation. The dream I had was so completely out-of-the ordinary. Normally my dreams are about one of two things. Sex, or fighting. Sometimes it's a little of both. But just a few minutes ago I had been dreaming I was in Squall's shoes. Crazy, I know. That Squally is one messed up kid..

I sit up and let the sheets slip off and pool around my waist. My head feels like a rock as if I had been drinking heavily the night before. That could probably explain the strange dreams. Damn. I need to stop drinking; especially on school nights.

"About time you woke up," Spoke a voice in a mocking tone.

My heart leaps into my throat and my muscles freeze. It takes a great deal of effort for me to turn my head towards the person who had spoken. Next to the bed, looking tired yet very annoyed, is my body. Damn again. I am _still_ dreaming. I flop back down on the bed and attempt to wake-up for real.

Something pinches my leg and I bolt upright once more. "Ow—hey! What's your problem?"

"I'm sick of waiting for you to get up."

Snarling, I pull the sheets back around me and lay down on my side facing the blonde brute. All the while I glare at my body that sits on the small stool. I guess this means what I had been remembering was not a dream. I really am trapped inside of Squall's body.. which also means everything is real; the lunch incident with Squall's friends, the scars, the razors, the blood.. Crap, that means I had really gone into the training area and had gotten bested by a T-Rexaur. Squall is sure to be pissed.

I sink into the pillow as I fully expect to be lectured about being so reckless. Heh, getting chewed out by my own self. I knew I would go crazy one day. I chuckle to myself which causes Squall to narrow his green eyes at me.

"Do you have any idea why Raijin nearly broke down my door last night in sheer panic?" Squall asks in a tone that is curious yet accusing at the same time.

_Shit_.

I'm sure the color drains from my face. I forgot that Raijin had practically carried me out of the training grounds. He must have brought me to the infirmary after I blacked out. I take a better look at my surroundings to confirm the fact that I am in Doctor Kadowaki's sick room. Huh, well that does explain the white sheets. Raijin must have went straight to 'me' to inform me of 'Squall's' condition. Both he and Fujin know about my possessiveness when concerning the brunet. This really is not what I want to wake up to. "I haven't a clue. Raijin is strange like that"

I close my eyes but I can tell Squall doesn't believe my words. I hear him lean back against the wall. He continues on as if I hadn't said a word. "He kept trying to tell me something but hyne if I could make sense of what he was saying."

I open my eyes to watch Squall make exaggerated hand gestures that mimic Raijin's behavior. "Ya gotta come quick! It's Squall ya'know?"

Squall's impersonation of my friend makes me crack a smile—one that I quickly hide by pulling the sheet up to cover from my nose down. It's strange to hear Squall sounding so nonchalant. Could it be that Squall finally loosened up? That couldn't be. No. He is probably trying to catch me off guard so that he can pounce and lay it on thick. Damnit! Why had I asked Raijin to help me? Things just never go my way. Never.

"When I acted like I didn't care, Raijin freaked out and went and got Fujin," Squall retells the events in a light tone. He makes it all sound so simple. The bastard is doing it on purpose. My friends must have let some information slip. One of my secrets. "They practically dragged me here. To be honest, when I first saw you lying there, I wanted to punch you."

This would be a good moment for Squall to yell at me. I am already beginning to fell guilty about everything I had done. Yet Squall says nothing—as is always Squall's way of dealing with problems. He leaves this uncomfortable silence that makes me tear myself apart from the inside. The intensity on his face as he stares at me makes me feel exposed. He looks like he is thinking hard on something—probably working on a list of all the things I've ever done wrong—

"Are you gay?"

I feel my left eye twitch. If I had not been lying down I'm certain that I would have fallen off the bed and landed flat on my face. Out of all the possible things that I thought Squall would say, _that_ had not been one of them. He still looks so serious even after asking the question. I stare slack-jawed and disbelieving at the tall blonde. Where did that questioncome from? When I don't answer he begins to shift uneasily.

"It's just that uh, well uhm—I mean that I've never seen—nevermind." He sounds angry after stammering. Squall crosses his arms and looks aside.

"Bi actually," I have no idea why I am admitting this. Perhaps it is because it seems to make Squall uncomfortable. I love to make Squall squirm. His green eyes slide over to peer at me. I give him one of my best smug grins. I lay back and fold my arms behind my head. "Afterall, I believe in equal opportunity."

Squall rolls his eyes. "I'm glad you are feeling lively enough to make jokes." He sighs then seems to notice the gauze encircling one of my wrists. Squall suddenly stands and leans over to seize my forearm. He forces me to sit up so he can better view the bandages. "Raijin said something about having to carry you out of the training center."

Ah yes, Squall and his silent, demanding questions. I don't feel like participating today and instead I try to slip free from his grasp. "Ow-ow—hey cut it out. I'm injured!"

"You're such an ass—stop moving." Squall climbs onto the bed with both knees. I keep my wrist out of his reach while he presses me down. "I can't believe you got _me_ beat up in the training center! It's just grats for crying out loud."

"You're crushing me! Get off!" I make a few gasping/choking noises and it seems to make Squall back off. The triumph must have shown on my face because Squall makes one last dive and succeeds in grabbing my bandaged arm.

I frown when I notice what Squall is doing. He begins to unravel the gauze to reveal the recently slashed skin. My wrist is released at once and Squall sits down on the edge of the bed and settles an irritated glare on me. I begin to rewrap my wrist while neatly avoiding his commanding gaze. "I don't know what happened." I know he wants me to explain, but I haven't a clue where to start. "Last night after.. after what happened I went to your room. I lost control and things started happening that I couldn't stop. I really don't know how to explain it."

I can feel myself shelling away. The ice walls are slowly shadowing off areas of my mind. I really don't feel like stopping them. I never again want to feel like I did last night. Although, I do want to understand why this ghost of Squall that remained within this body had done what it did. It is a hard subject to approach. I had enough encouragement last night to just pretend like nothing ever happened. Did I notconfront Squall before about the subject and had my head bashed against the wall?

Still..

"I remember hearing 'No one ever listens' about being used.. being a freak.." It's my turn to fix a questioning look on Squall. The words hang in the air. It almost burns my lip to even speak them. With a sudden burst of energy I bolt upright to look Squall squarely in the eyes. Sitting up brings me closer to him, and makes my words less likely to be ignored. "I know this had to of been some sort of memory of what happened to make you do it the first time. Please, tell me what happened."

He sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. A very Squall-like gesture in the wrong body. His green eyes meet my determined gaze only once before looking away. Instead of appearing impassive, like Squall could easily do in his own body, he had a brooding, angry expression. He sighs a second time and closes his eyes completely . "It was a little over a month ago."

I wait as patiently as possible for him to continue, but Squall has always been bad with topics concerning personal matters. Almost two months ago? I rack my brains to reflect that far back in time. It had to of been while I was in Galbadia. Fujin and Raijin had been with me that time. "While I was gone?"

A subtle nod from Squall is the only respone that I get. I continue to try and think of any events that might have led up to Squall's decision to tempt death, but nothing comes to mind. "I don't think I ever heard anything about it."

"No one cared."

I pull the pillow from behind me and smack him on the shoulder with it. "Idiot."

He fixes a venomous glare on me. Ah yes, how is it possible for me to forget how dense Squall can be. I cross my arms and take on a very stubborn posture. "_I_ care. If I had known I would have been the first person here just so I could smack that ice-block head of yours."

"Whatever." His eyes drift away once more. It's his way of avoiding a topic. Bastard. I throw the pillow at him in order to regain his attention.

"I'm serious," Geez, what does he want me to say? It's not like I am going to bluntly say that I care about him, that it would have torn me apart if he died--all just because he is dense. Eventually he will accept the truth. But for now, I won't push the matter. "I find it hard to believe that your little crew didn't watch over your night and day. Who found you if it wasn't them?"

Squall shrugs, "I woke up in my room with bandages around my wrists. I don't know who found me, but I guess they didn't want anyone to know.. I was absent for a week and no one ever came to check on me.."

"That's strange. You'd think it would have been the talk of the garden." I jest, but one look at Squall's frowning face tells me I had chosen my words poorly—like always. "Err—not that I'm saying you were trying to get attention, I just wonder who it was that could keep their mouth shut."

Squall doesn't pay much mind to my babble.

"—But why did you do it in the first place?" I circle back to my original question.

He turns the pillow over in his hands a few times before glancing up at me. "It was a lot of things."

I get the impression that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it to me just yet. I guess I have pried enough into Squall's personal business for one day. I will learn the truth eventually, but again.. for now.. I will respect Squall's distance and let him have his way. After a short round of silence I decide to change the subject. "Give me my pillow back."

"Your loss. You shouldn't have thrown it at me." He responds, sounding relieved for the switch of topics. He hugs the pillow to his chest and moves back over to sit on the stool. "Maybe if you ask nicely I'll give it back to you."

"Surrender it now or suffer."

"Hn, now you'll have to beg for it."

"Don't make me get out of this bed." I threaten while pulling the sheets aside.

"Such feeble threats over a little pillow," He muses and lifts the pillow to dangle just out of my reach.

I lean forward and swipe my arm out to quickly grab the pillow before he can yank it away. Squall's body is amazingly fast sometimes—I think he forgets that he isn't as quick anymore. He does however manage to keep a firm grip on the other end of the pillow. I pull as hard as I can with one hand. "I swear you're beginning to act more like me."

"How does it feel to argue with yourself?" He says while managing to keep the pillow from nearing me.

"Feels like I am going insane. _Let go!_" I grip the pillow with both hands. The sound of fabric ripping fills my ears but both of us are too stubborn to submit. The room suddenly explodes with goose feathers. It is at that moment that I hear the curtain (that serves as a door to the sick room) being pushed aside. Admist the rainfall of white and gray feathers I spot an all too familiar, and dreaded, female figure.

"Seifer!" Quistis' angry voice snaps.

Big surprise. She blames me for the current mess. Oh wait—my gaze shifts over to Squall who is scowling but still holding onto the other half of the pillow. Feathers cover him from head to toe; making that angry expression on his face more cute than threatening.

"Don't you have anything better to do than torment Squall all the time? Perhaps you should try going to class so you might actually pass this year."

Wench, I think to myself while wringing the sheet between my hands. Her gaze is centered solely on Squall so she is oblivious of my icy glare on her. That witch always manages to spoil my fun. Squall and I were getting along so well before her arrival.

"Is that what's holding me back?" Squall asks rhetorically while standing. He tosses the pillow half at the instructor who catches it out of reflex. "I thought it was teachers failing me just because they don't like me. My bad."

With that said, Squall strolls out of the infirmary leaving me to stare dumbfounded at the empty doorframe. A few feathers twirl through the air where his body once stood. I'm shocked to witness Squall act out in the presence of others. Sure, when he is around me he relaxes a bit. When he is around other people he clams up and you can hardly get a nod out of him. It must be the fact that he can somewhat hide behind my face when he said those things. That is the only explanation I can think of to rationalize what had just occurred.

Quistis bats at a few floating feathers as they brush too closely to her face. "This will be his last year at garden. I highly doubt that he will pass the exams in order to become a SeeD. You won't have to deal with him much longer, I promise."

Is it just me or did it sound like Quistis is personally going to oversee me failing the exams? Hmph. I always assumed that she was out to get me. It would seem that I am right. Hyne, I wish I could be wrong sometimes.

"How are you feeling, Squall?" She asks casually while sitting down on the stool. Quistis firmly hold her knees together and sets her hands neatly on the tops of her thighs. Always primp and proper with that girl.

_Great, until you showed up_. That's what I want to say but instead I lay back down on the bed while remaining silent. Squall's body is more than accustom to ignoring a person's presence. I find the wall to become very intriguing to stare at.

"I came by to ask if you are still going to join the class this weekend to go to Deling. I know you haven't been feeling well this past week, but I also thought it might cheer you up. I realize you are a bit lonely since Rinoa has been gone—"

_Please, keep telling me what I think and feel. I could have never been able to do it myself._

"—but maybe being with all the other students in a more casual environment will be good for you."

I wrap my arm around my face and bluntly omit the fact that Quistis is even present in the room. I can hear her shuffle on the stool then stand to her feet.

"If you're feeling well enough we leave in an hour. Meet us in the parking garage with your bags packed."

I wait until her footsteps fade away before sitting up in the bed and sliding my legs over the side to place my socked feet on the floor. I forgot about the trip—mainly because I don't have permission to go. Although, I'm more than sure Squally has a free pass to go if he likes. Hm.. It would be a good opportunity to buy some clothes for Squall besides black and black. I also want to arrange a few surprises for Squall when we do finally switch bodies back.

I slip on my boots and grab my jacket before standing. My head protests a bit but again I am being too stubborn to listen to my new body. With a cheshire grin I head out of the infirmary and towards the dormitory to pack my bags for a few 'magical' nights in Deling.

**End Part VI**

Read? Curious? Review/gg

_Yes. I am still alive. Boo! o.o_


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